


Here for You

by Elthadriel



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, toy nugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 11:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4744970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elthadriel/pseuds/Elthadriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian feels down often, but having Bull there makes it all a little easier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here for You

**Author's Note:**

> A small collaboration with [Cynellis](http://cynellis.tumblr.com/) because we are both trash shippers that like making Dorian sad.
> 
> Beta'd by my dear friend [Kittenly](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittenly/pseuds/Kittenly)

_Art by[Cynellis](http://cynellis.tumblr.com/)_

Dorian never hated himself more than when he started feeling like this.

He wasn’t crying, but he felt rung out, and he almost wished he could cry, he might feel better, but his eyes remained stubbornly dry.

At least he wasn’t doing it alone for once, hadn’t had to do it alone for a few months now. Bull was playing with his hair, talking softly to him. Dorian couldn’t quite focus enough to understand the words, but the low rumble was comforting all the same. He squeezed his eyes closed, pressing his face into Bull’s skin and inhaling deeply. Bull’s musky smell was familiar, and though Dorian couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it had happened, he had started to associate it with safety. 

Dorian denied it whenever anyone commented, but he knew Bull’s scent clung to him and his clothes even when he and Bull were apart for long periods of time. It was nice in a very different way to the lingering love bites and carefully placed bruises that Bull left all over him.

They were both shirtless, and Dorian was grateful for all the skin contact; it was easier to stay grounded when Bull was right there, scratching at his scalp, and tracing idle patterns across Dorian’s back.

He didn’t have to do this alone anymore.

It didn’t fix everything, but it helped. 

“Do you know what’s wrong, Dorian?” Bull asked.

“I don’t know,” he murmured. “I’m just…” he trailed off, unable to find the words.

“Yeah, that’s the worst,” Bull said, empathising, rather than pitying. 

“I don’t want to feel like this.” Dorian wished he could say it more firmly, but speaking was almost too much, and he just sounded pathetic and a little broken.

“I know, Kitten.” Bull bent and kissed the top of Dorian’s head. “I know.”

Dorian didn’t think he’d ever be able to put into words how grateful he was that Bull didn’t tell him everything would be okay, or imply that there was nothing worth being upset over.

“Anything I can do?” Bull asked gently. “Would you like to talk about it, or I could distract you, or we could sit quietly while I make a mess of your hair so you can fuss over it later.”

Dorian didn’t smile at the joke, a future where he didn’t feel like this seemed far off, but he did twist around to reach behind him and take the hand Bull was using to draw on his back, squeezing Bull’s fingers with his own, marvelling that this was allowed to him. He tried to focus on that, rather than directionless distress that was threatening to consume him.

Bull loved him, even knowing his messy past and his difficult present. Bull loved him; he didn’t have to do this alone.

He tried to put that into words, he wanted Bull to know how much it meant to him, and to return the sentiment. Just as he had managed to organise the thoughts into sentences there was a banging at Bull’s door.

“Message for the Iron Bull from her Lady Inquisitor,” a voice called through the door. “She said it was urgent.” He added.

Bull frowned, and disentangled himself from Dorian, muttering that he would be back in a moment, and crossed the room to the door. Dorian felt cold the moment he lost contact with Bull, and he rolled into the space left by Bull. He closed his eyes tightly, listening to Bull’s footsteps and low conversation, focusing on how close Bull still was, despite him having to leave the bed.

He opened his eyes and turned over to look at Bull when he heard footsteps returning.

“The Inquisitor needs to talk to me, apparently it can’t wait,” Bull sounded frustrated, and he was still standing there, not making to leave. “I’ll tell her to stuff it if you need me here.”

Dorian didn’t say anything, wondering if he was pathetic enough to put his own wants before the good of the entire Inquisition. He had no doubt that Bull would stay if Dorian asked him to, and it made him feel worse knowing that. Bull should stop wasting his time on Dorian.

“Dorian?” Bull asked, frustration gone, sounding worried again. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

“Please stay,” Dorian whispered, “I need you to stay with me.” He spoke into the pillows, low enough that he knew Bull wouldn’t be able to hear him. That way it would be his fault when Bull chose to leave.

“I didn’t catch that,” Bull said, sitting back down on the bed, one hand on Dorian’s shoulder. “I’ll stay if you want me to.”

Dorian raised his head, and gave Bull a smile, and while he was sure it was weaker than he would have liked, he hoped it looked genuine. “Go on, Bull. See what the Inquisitor wants of you. I’m hardly a child, I’ll be fine until you get back.”

Bull frowned at him, but nodded. He kissed Dorian’s cheek and stood. He crossed the room, collecting another blanket, the one form his pack that he took all around Thedas with him. It was an obnoxious shade of pink and, it smelled rather strongly, of the outside, of horses, but mostly of Bull himself. Dorian claimed he hated that blanket, but knew he was convincing absolutely no one.

He laid the blanket over Dorian, and Dorian pulled it around himself tightly, bringing a handful of it up to his nose and inhaling; if he couldn’t have the real Bull he could at least remember that Bull was coming back. Then something else was placed in front of Dorian, and he blinked at it a second. It was a small winged nug, one of Krem’s. 

“Her name is Vinsomer,” Bull said seriously, “she’ll take care of you while I’m gone.”

Dorian scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Bull chuckled, pressing his lips to Dorian’s forehead. “I’ll be back soon, try and get some sleep. Stay out of that head of yours.” 

Dorian couldn’t summon the will to pretend to fine again so he nodded, and burrowed his face into the pillows so he wouldn’t have to see Bull leave. Only a couple of seconds after the door had closed he reached out and took a hold of the nug, hugging it closely to his chest.

He let out a sob.

\---

Bull only had to open the door to know that Dorian was still awake, and not in a better place.

He could see Dorian’s shape curled into a ball under the blankets of the bed, and while Dorian wasn’t openly sobbing he was breathing in the form of heavy, laboured gasps of air, suggesting he was trying to bit them back. Bull shouldn’t have left him.

Bull crossed the room, noting that Dorian didn’t turn to look at him, and Bull walked around the bed, crouching down in front of Dorian. 

Dorian’s face was tear stained, and his kohl was smudged around his eyes, which were watery and bloodshot. Bull’s heart ached in sympathy for Dorian.

“Are you all right, Dorian?” He asked, already knowing what the answer would be but wanting to see if Dorian would respond verbally or not.

Dorian didn’t look up, be kept staring straight ahead unseeingly. He was running a thumb slowly across the side of the nug’s face. He shook his head slowly, and another tear run down his cheek.

“You want to move over to give me space, kitten?” Bull asked. Still without looking at him, Dorian moved backwards, giving up half of the bed to Bull. Bull kicked off his boots and climbed in next him, laying down, and moving his arm to open up space for Dorian to press against his side. Dorian abandoned the nug in favour of Bull, shuffling close enough that there was no space between them. Dorian clung to Bull as though he were Dorian’s lifeline.

“How are you feeling?” Bull asked, wrapping his arms around Dorian, covering him with gentle touches.

“Empty,” Dorian croaked, voice wrecked from crying. “Little better now you’re back.”

Bull almost said he was sorry for leaving but he knew from experience that Dorian would only respond that he was the one who told Bull to leave. A round of passing blame wasn’t going to help Dorian, so Bull kept quiet. He should have stayed, politely told the Inquisitor to stuff it, no matter how important that news had ended up being. 

It could have waited until tomorrow, until Bull wouldn’t have had to leave his mage to cry alone. 

“I’m here now.”

“I couldn’t sleep after you left, I tried, but I couldn’t.”

Bull remembered the night after the Storm Coast, and how impossible sleep had been. Dorian had sat up with him almost all night, trying to hide yawns behind his hands, and distracting Bull from replaying the choice over and over. They had been in a tent, and surrounded by other people, so it had been hard for Dorian to probably distract him. Dorian had put up a valiant effort, telling Bull some of his my outrageous escapades from his time in Tevinter, and playing chess until Dorian had passed out from exhaustion against Bull side. 

It hadn’t fixed the gaping hole the Qun had left when he had been forced to rip it out of his life, but it had helped. He shouldn’t have left Dorian to deal with this on in his own.

“Do you think you could now?” Bull asked, not verbalising his thoughts and risk his own anxiety making Dorian’s worse.

“I don’t think so.” Dorian gave a self-deprecating smile. “I seem to have worked myself into quite a state.”

Bull’s hands tightened around Dorian minutely. “Well I’m here to help work you out of it.”

“I’m sorry,” Dorian whispered, whipping at eyes, only making the kohl smudges worse, while having no real effect on the wetness. Bull didn’t have to ask what Dorian was sorry for, Dorian answered anyway. “I shouldn’t make you take care of me when I get like this. I’m a grown man, I should be able to handle feeling a little down without this display.” He gestured at himself.

“Oh Dorian,” Bull sighed, reaching up to cup Dorian’s face. “That’s not how it works, and you’re smart enough to know that. I’m here because I care about you, you don’t need to feel guilty for that.” He dropped his hand and gave Dorian a rueful smile. “Besides, you put up with my snoring, it’s only fair I put in the time too.”

Dorian smiled despite himself, though it was only a fleeting thing. He was still staring blankly at the opposite wall, gaze unfocused, but the hand across Bull’s chest kept shifting, pressingly firmly enough for the pads of his fingers to drag across Bull’s skin. While he was far from okay he also wasn’t losing himself entirely in his head.

“You snoring is hardly the same level of inconvenience that I am,” Dorian said, his mood plummeting again.

“You aren’t an inconvenience, Dorian,” Bull insisted, and he wished he had a way of making Dorian believe how wonderful Bull thought he was. Dorian didn’t deserve to feel like this.

Dorian tilted his head up to look at Bull. Dorian worried at his lip for a second before he spoke, far more seriously than the sentence deserved. “Neither are you.”

Bull felt there was significance there, even if he couldn’t yet entirely figure it out.

“I don’t always show you that, especially in public. The things I say to you; you deserve better. I’m sorry.” Dorian said, working himself up as he spoke, and Bull could feel Dorian tensing under him.

Bull hushed him. “I know, Dorian. I know you are far too kind a man to mean the things you say, and I know you well enough you only say them because you feel it would be far too sappy to say how you really feel.” Bull chuckled. “I take them as endearments at this point.”

Dorian smiled again. It was shaky and faint, but it lasted longer than before.

“I’m glad I’m with you,” Dorian said, and Bull felt himself smile before he could stop himself.

“Same, Kitten.”

Dorian looked away again, but he seemed a little lighter, if still troubled.

“What do you want to do now, Dorian,” Bull asked, when it became clear that Dorian wasn’t going to break the silence. 

“Can we just stay like this awhile?” Dorian asked, seeming very comfortable resting against Bull and using him as a pillow.

“Of course,” Bull said. “For as long as you like.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come check me out on tumblr at [Elthadriel](http://elthadriel.tumblr.com/), I post short fic there that I don't post here.


End file.
